Thursday, 18 December 2008

Louis Louis!

EVERYBODY already knows that Louis Walsh is a great throbbing boil on the tip of society’s nose who thinks that - because he can market atrocious music to tasteless pre-teen girls - his is a voice worth listening to.
But what is it that makes Ireland’s most shameful export think he is entitled to spout on about music like he’s George Martin? Well it helps that, more often than not, the people he is judging tend to be unstable, insecure, talentless nervous wrecks who would do just about anything for a millisecond of fame.
Easy to sound knowledgeable about music in that sort of company, right? Well, you’d think so, but despite spending decades in the ‘music’ industry, Louis still quite can’t manage it.
Instead, he comes across as a hybrid between one of the spoilt little pre-pubescent girls - from whom he makes millions - and a tantrum-throwing son, who gets cheeky with his dad (or in this case; Simon Cowell) because he’s bitter over not getting any of the good genes when all he really wants is a big hug.
But up until now, Louis has pretty much stayed off my radar, seen as I’m not really a fan of his two main products (shite music and shite TV) but last week, I heard a distinctive beep as the little dweeb ventured onto unfamiliar pastures to comment on my hometown.
Speaking at the launch of a charity CD, the Cathaoirleach of Limerick County Council, John Gallahue - presumably sick of discussing potholes and road signs - said entry to the music business was controlled with a mafia-style grip by a small number of promoters who make vast sums of money.
Try as I may, I cannot for the life of me think why a councillor in Limerick would go out of his way to criticise Louis Walsh and his cronies - although he may have just watched back to back episodes of the X Factor. However, I lost all interest in discovering Gallahue’s motivation when I saw what the pompous one had to say on the matter.
“Mafia? He is the one from Limerick - that is very rich,” he responded. “God knows Limerick could do with some good PR.”
Now, we are notoriously sensitive in Limerick when it comes to the city’s reputation and some of its defenders do verge on the delusional when it comes to denying the city’s problems.
But so much has been done to highlight the many beautiful aspects of our city that it is infuriating to see a bottom-feeder like Walsh having his ignorant, harmful comments printed on the front page, even if it is on a tabloid.
There is nothing wrong with accurately reporting the problems which Limerick has experienced in recent years with violent crime but why carry the ill-informed opinion of the man who brought us Johnny Logan and The Carter Twins on your front page?
And to make matters worse, the sensational headline accompanying the article wasn’t criticising Walsh for his remarks, instead it was talking of the ‘Mafia slur’ against him by the County Manager.
In the words of an incredulous Jacobim Mugatu in Zoolander; “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here!”
How can a Limerick county councillor pointing out the pitiful state of the pop music industry be considered a ‘slur’, but Louis Walsh can have a go at a whole city without retribution?
In a decent world, little notice would be paid to the mutterings of a twit such as Walsh but unfortunately we live in a time when his bigoted opinion is classic tabloid fodder. Worse again is the fact that the red-tops take the side of the guy who is insulting thousands with his ignorant remarks.
Louis may not understand someone taking issue with derogatory comments about their hometown - he has made no secret of his dislike for Mayo in the past - but he has let his notoriously loose tongue go a little too far on this occasion.
John Gallahue hit the nail on the head when he said Walsh and his cohorts were in the business of humiliating people (mostly teenagers) on TV.
But Louis’ area of expertise starts and finishes with taking advantage of the gormless for his own personal gain, so any opinions he has on anything else should not be put into the public arena.
Yes Louis, we have a crime problem in Limerick. But did you know we also have one of the biggest club rugby sides in the world? And we have produced some of the best music acts in the country (not that they’d interest you, seen as they didn’t gestate on reality TV)?
Or did you know Louis, that the majority of Limerick people are characterised by their straight-talking and inability to spout nonsense? They’re kind of like an anti-you.

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